Compassion-driven confrontation – Part 3
By Pastor Hobbins

4. Compassion-driven confrontation should come from someone who had treated them justly (1 Samuel 12:3-5).

1 Samuel 12:“3 Behold, here I am: witness against me before the LORD, and before his anointed: whose ox have I taken? or whose ass have I taken? or whom have I defrauded? whom have I oppressed? or of whose hand have I received any bribe to blind mine eyes therewith? and I will restore it you. 4 And they said, Thou hast not defrauded us, nor oppressed us, neither hast thou taken ought of any man’s hand. 5 And he said unto them, The LORD is witness against you, and his anointed is witness this day, that ye have not found ought in my hand. And they answered, He is witness.”

The people realized that Samuel was the right man for the confrontation, not only because he was God’s man, but because his followers testified that he had treated them fairly and justly. If you want to confront, and you want the results to be what is best for your follower, then there ought to be an established pattern of treating your followers with patience and fairness.

4. Compassion-driven confrontation ties in the principles of Scripture (1 Samuel 8:19-22; 1 Samuel 12:14-15).

1 Samuel 8:“19 Nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel; and they said, Nay; but we will have a king over us; 20 That we also may be like all the nations; and that our king may judge us, and go out before us, and fight our battles. 21 And Samuel heard all the words of the people, and he rehearsed them in the ears of the LORD. 22 And the LORD said to Samuel, Hearken unto their voice, and make them a king. And Samuel said unto the men of Israel, Go ye every man unto his city.”

Notice what happened here. God spoke to Samuel and then Samuel spoke God’s Word to the people.

1 Samuel 12:“14 If ye will fear the LORD, and serve him, and obey his voice, and not rebel against the commandment of the LORD, then shall both ye and also the king that reigneth over you continue following the LORD your God: 15 But if ye will not obey the voice of the LORD, but rebel against the commandment of the LORD, then shall the hand of the LORD be against you, as it was against your fathers.”

In this case, Samuel laid out the principles of Scripture by saying if you do this, God has said this will happen; and if you do this, God has said that will happen. In both passages we find God sending His messenger with His word.

A compassionate leader will take the time to seek the scriptural principles that apply to this particular situation before confronting. We ought to have the desire to explain to the wrong-doer what God’s Word says about the transgression and what God’s Word says about the remedy.

You may be able to find a Bible story that illustrates the particular situation that requires your current confrontation. But if not, you can almost always find principles that will apply to your situation in the Book of Proverbs. In fact, all of the points I have given you and will continue to give you are based on Scriptural principles.

As your letting compassion drive your confrontation, ask yourself what principles from the Bible apply to your situation.

4. Compassion-driven confrontation still exposes the transgression (2 Samuel 12:7a, 9-10).

2 Samuel 12:“7 And Nathan said to David, Thou art the man. … 9 Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife, and hast slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon. 10 Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife.”

When Nathan confronted David, he told David exactly what he had done. It was not pretty. He even repeated it several times. It is not compassionate to be vague or to beat around the bush or even to avoid dealing with the sin when you confront somebody. Confront the transgression and call it what it is.  1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Confession means “to say the same thing as.” In other words, confession is saying the same thing about your sin as God says about it.

A compassionate confronter cares enough to get to the wrongdoing and deal with it. It is not compassionate to brush sin under the proverbial carpet. It is not compassionate to make the sin seem like it’s not that big of an issue or to pretend like it never happened. No, even when it doesn’t feel compassionate, a confronter will take the sin head on and will accept no excuses.

4. Compassion-driven confrontation realizes the confronted one has a choice (1 Samuel 12:14-15).

1 Samuel 12:“14 If ye will fear the LORD, and serve him, and obey his voice, and not rebel against the commandment of the LORD, then shall both ye and also the king that reigneth over you continue following the LORD your God: 15 But if ye will not obey the voice of the LORD, but rebel against the commandment of the LORD, then shall the hand of the LORD be against you, as it was against your fathers.”

Do you think Samuel wanted to make the choice for his followers? You know he did. But Samuel, as the prophet and as the confronter, was acting in God’s stead and on God’s behalf. And what does God do with us? He gives us a free will so that we can choose to love Him, knowing that we may choose to exercise that will to make choices that will break His heart. And yet, He does not take that free will away from us.

A leader that confronts with compassion does not try to force the follower to make the choice that they want them to make. He should teach and train and guide and explain and lead and persuade; but we cannot force. Romans 6:17 “But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyedfrom the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you.”

The person that you confront does not have to listen to you. Because they have a free will, they are able to make wise decisions and foolish decisions. The choices that they make may be awful choices, but they are free to make those awful choices. As the confronter, this may drive you to tears and frustration. There have been many times that I wished I could have made the choice for my follower. I knew what choice they needed to make, but I could not make it for them. My desire for them to make the wisest choice is a good sign that I have the compassion necessary for a wise confrontation.

What our followers are not free to do, however, is to make a choice and then think they get to decide what the consequences of that choice will be. It doesn’t work that way. If our followers make the wrong choice, they must then live with the results of that choice. And, praise the Lord, when they make a wise choice, they will also get to enjoy the results of that choice. Galatians 6:7 “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”

I have many more elements of compassionate confrontation that we will look at in the months to come, but I trust these have been a help to you. What choices have you made when you were confronted and what were the results of those choices? I would love to hear from you at pastorhobbins@gmail.com.

You can find the complete list of all 22 on my blog at pastorhobbins.wordpress.com