By Pastor Jeff Renner
As a pastor I am asked from time to time to officiate the ceremony of two people who wish to join their lives together in marriage. And while I’d love to say everyone I’ve married have stayed together and are living their own version of a happily ever after story, that’s just not true. I’d also like to say, well, if we only looked at couples in the church, surely then those couples would be happier and living life together. Again. Not so much.
I am by no means an expert on the subject of marriage. I am, however, a decent observer of human behavior. What I have observed is when both parties in a marriage understand that their role in the marriage is to spend their lives serving their spouse, generally speaking, you see a long healthy marriage. Take a long look at couple’s married 40, 50, or 60 years and you’ll see, generally speaking, both spouses serving each other. This doesn’t mean one spouse is walked all over and the other is the king or queen of the house. It simply means each party in a marriage understands that their role is to serve their spouse and understanding that each bring different things to the marriage table.
If Jesus and his relationship to the church are to be the role model for our marriage, this makes perfect sense. In multiple settings we are told Jesus didn’t come to be served but to serve (Mt 20:28, Mk 10:45, & Phil 2.7 just to name a few).
Jesus came to serve the church, to serve his people. He was a king, who came to serve. Much in the same way we are to serve our spouses.
In this pastor’s view, one of the keys to a long happy marriage is learning we are here not to be served by our spouse but to serve our spouse. Are there other factors that contribute to a healthy marriage? Absolutely, but what I am talking about here is having a foundational understanding of our roles in marriage. Jesus said it best, if you want to be first, you’ve got to be last. In this case, if you want a great marriage, try being a servant. Whenever possible, make sure your spouse’s needs are met before you think of yours. I’m not much of a betting man, but I’d be willing to bet you’d see more of your needs met by your spouse if you spent more time meeting theirs.
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